Coronavirus and MyKey through the Portal with sharing our weaknesses and practical living solutions
Susan Spies8:57 pm
CV and MyKey here through the Portal – Q&A on sharing our weaknesses and practical living solutions – we start 5 after the hour
Susan Spies9:06 pm
Good evening all – CV, MyKey and myself, Sunette, here in the Portal and we begin! Let’s first start with sharing our weakness(es) we’ve become distinctly aware of since the advent of CV and, what seems like, interminable days/weeks that’s come and gone
Also to specify – within my personal experience, the weakness(es) (there have certainly been more than one surfacing within me, but for the process we’re walking now – will focus on one
to specify – the weakness(es) are very much PHYSICALLY distinctive, so haven’t just faced/experienced them emotionally, they tend to possess/take over physically and surprisingly enough, faced one today within myself
Kim S9:07 pm
I am reminding myself of a memory of being in a ‘sense of foreboding’ where I kind of ‘get off’ on things being difficult where it sort of stirs things up, a bit of drama so to speak, and the CV is bringing this up in me a little. I realise that I do this because I expect disappointment, that if things are difficult then thats how I have been used to living, like a resonant shit happens, good things don’t happen to me like a kind of victim – but even as I say this I can’t see the real self honest reason for this – if you can guide me Sunette ?
When I look at the point of things being difficult I am remembering feeling like this as a child where I would become excited when a relative would visit – so I see that at times I exist in a sense of boredom looking for energy – it’s quite fascinating really
Avery Williams9:09 pm
My weakness is the fear of loss = fear of death but as with my walk here living the word Certainty I see this fear dissipate
My fear that has come up since CV is that something might happen to my daughters, this bring anxiety and sharp painful spike shooting up in my stomach so I’m going to use this point but hopefully before it get to the point of the sharp spikes and focus this energy on a list of jobs I need to do I’ve written out.
Susan Spies9:11 pm
I woke up with this experience of claustrophobia – and throughout the day walked with it to OBSERVE and experience where my mind, thoughts and emotions go – and in went to all the little things about the house, the people, the things being done and not done, the noise, not having the freedom nor space/time to do certain things I’d like to do due to living in such close quarters with 5 other people – and then I walked back in time, over several months and noticed how these LITTLE MOMENTS accumulated in many daily/mini-outbursts of wanting to get out, give up, get away, escape etc etc
and I noticed how this weakness defined my mood, my behaviour, my resonance, voice, stance, my actions… – was fascinating observing this personality, now the journey to correct it, which I will share in a moment, but the weakness: claustrophobia and the little irritants with the people I live which I didn’t direct
as well as the annoyance of not having my own space and time
Jan Megens9:11 pm
My weakness is In this period of lock down I realize because I’m at home, that I can calm down because I don’t have to do anything. I’ve always thought I should show responsibility to others. This is what I experience like if I’m being hunted and always has to defend myself and felt attacked.
Anna Brix Thomsen9:11 pm
I feel like I’m in my own little bubble, not focusing too much on what’s going on in the world. And I feel guilty about it.
The other thing is that I tend to postpone taking care of my body.
So I feel guilty for focusing on myself.
Physical is my body is sick, my mind is in panic about me being sick and my being is somewhere me maybe trying so stabilizing the situation i am in. A lot happens in the mind and feelings
Kim S9:12 pm
That’s cool Sunette so an accumulation of little annoyances that have been building
I am also seeing how all of theses points coming up
Are specific now to be walked and how we will push ourselves/be pushed to face them for once and for all
We now actually have time and space given to us to walk this
I experience that too, weaknesses taking over physically but also already there, so difficult to distinguish if it is an old thing or just activated. Then, what I find is that I actually ‘do better’ within this lock down, with the distances, every one more calm and ‘in the same boat’ so to speak. So I used to tend to have a fear of missing out on something, like ‘others do all kind of nice things’things like that. It feels more equal to me and the distance is calming me down. What I need to get an eye on is to not isolate myself but I do not feel like I do, I also actually come into more intimate contacts. So it is then more showing my weaknesses that I have before/when there is not a lock down – if that makes sense?
Rebecca Dalmas9:14 pm
I get a sense of being overwhelmed – and want to read a lot , find information . Interesting in itself because a lot of the info is cycling and similar – it is a sense of not doing enough . Also , interesting on the claustrophobic point because I have sensed that too
ah i can relate to that Sunette, i realized with this panic point i was being influenced based on all the little moments i participated in fear of survival, little thoughts of the worst case scenario, then spiraled out to become impatient and moody with others around me, especially in the car with traffic, the small moments within me i go ‘fuck, can you just go faster’. and this all accumulates to these panic experience were the world feels like its going to implode, or my world anyway….i found money/survival fears the route of this panic
Susan Spies9:14 pm
KimS Kim – can very much relate to almost accepting and allowing the difficult/struggling nature of life, what I noticed when I was in this state – I realised I almost DELIBERATELY would stir up shit, or create problems, make things more complex than they really are, because of FEAR of things going well/good, because whenever, in the past, things were good – not a moment later, would it all go to shit
Kim S9:15 pm
Yes exactly Sunette
That way we aren’t disappointed
Susan Spies9:15 pm
this lead me to eventually be afraid of anything normal, good, okay, fulfilling – I’d find myself sabotaging it myself, before it could be taken away, and in this establishing some form of control over the good and bad in my life
Rebecca Dalmas9:15 pm
I also notice I do this more when I am alone with myself . When interacting with others it is not as intense
Over thinking and imagining too much
Marjo Poorter9:16 pm
I am feeling bored and annoyed and missing my family (daughter, granddaughters) I used to see them every day, now I have seen them only twice. Being all day long with my husband and nobody else is very different and sometimes challenging.
Kim S9:16 pm
What has helped me these past weeks is embracing what’s here and asking myself what can I change about what is going on – nothing apart from myself
Susan Spies9:17 pm
Yes, Kim Kim – until I realised: without the “good” – the bad was even harder. So, yes – when you ‘lose’ the good, it fuckin’ hurts as hell, or when a good moment passes the bad seems REALLY BAD – however, when I look past the feeling of I LOST SOMETHING/THE GOOD IS GONE and LOOK INTO WHAT I GAINED during the good moment/times: there are characteristics and strengths that became a part of me, guiding me through the bad times
是的，Kim——直到我领悟到：没有了“好”——坏甚至更难了。因此，是的——当你“失去”了好的，他妈的痛死了，或当一个好的片刻过去，坏的看起来真的糟糕时——不管怎样，当我看着过去 我失去某些东西/好的东西已经没有了 的感觉，并看看在好的片刻/时光期间我得到了什么时：有特质和优势成为我的一部分，指导我通过坏的时光
So, KimS – Kim – look at the good phases, times, people, look and FIND parts of yourself that can support you during the challenging times, even though the good times have passed – doesn’t mean they don’t still exist within you
因此，KimS – Kim ——察看好的阶段、时光、人们，看并找到你自己的部分可以支持你在具有挑战性的时期，即使好的时光已过去了——并不意味着它们不再存在于你之内。
Kim S9:18 pm
YES Sunette it’s at times like these I motivate myself and tell myself I like challenges and it gives me a push and I actually do enjoy figuring things out
Nice Sunette thanks
Ida Bra Ingadottir9:16 pm
fear of success
Caroline MS9:17 pm
personally, i ma facing a deep seated fear of failure. this fear would in the past come up here and there. but since corona, it is more intense…intense in the sense that, i am much more aware of it, many dimensions of it. the consequences of such a fear are anger that i am a failure/not good enough/not doing enough and also a seeking to want to exonerate myself from this fear by doing something. this fear leaves me feeling like i have this giant hole i must feel, empty, weak etc
My weaknesses are emotional reactions and self-judgement .
Bitia Catana9:17 pm
Anna I can relate to that guilt. – And I also noticed recently a sort of powerlessness in relation to not being able to change or understand the world completely – the situation globally has made this more intense I find
Daniel Malara9:18 pm
For me the weakness rearing its head is my stubborn defiance of my utmost potential. The fear of failure when I assert and direct myself to be my best, is getting tired, obvious and evermore silly. So, this slowing-down has forced me to see how I’ve been just quickly passing/missing key moments of self-defining choices and movements. I am getting a handle on this, little by little, the more I embrace the slow down within, the more I write consistently, the more I can easily see and then the more directive I can be
Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem9:19 pm
I feel like I need that extra attention – that care/regard and desire to be seen and appreciated for my expression & being. Its like I long to SHINE and to be seen shining – lol like I am a famous artist. I have then in the lockdown been fearing to NOT be seen and noticed when I walk the catwalk of town and pose with my smile & changed self
Valentin Rozman9:19 pm
My weakness has been dependency to my father in term of getting enough work and money to cover all my basic monthly expenses. However we stopped collaborating couple of months ago since other people stopped ordering his business and consequently the money from him stopped coming. This created fear of survival and diminished circulation in my legs, becoming colder like years before and I got a skin condition between my toes again that had to take action about.
Bitia Catana9:19 pm
I have been doing daily long walks with my partner recently. Just walk, hold hands and experience the environment around us. I find it has helped us through some chaos
Sylvia Gerssen9:20 pm
I have been feeling like I was in a film, surreal kind of world. Judging my self for not being up to speed with the news about corona when it started last year in China and now being in a way overwhelmed with it and all the news that comes with it now I am open to it. Also the lack of self trust came to the surface, not knowing what to believe or what to trust and not feeling that I have a solid ground within myself to back me up.
Susan Spies9:21 pm
Caroline, when it comes to children, it is a given that concern/fear is involved – even generally, despite the CV, there is an inherent pull of parents towards children and the concern/fear for their wellbeing, health, livelihood and future. So, with this in mind – REMIND YOURSELF, that remaining in the FEAR means YOU ARE NOT HERE and not EQUAL AND ONE WITH THEM in their BEINGNESS. And that emotions will only weaken you, your body and immune system. So, STRENGTHEN yourself and your body by HOLDING THEIR BEINGNESS WITHIN YOU, their PRESENCE – FEEL IT in your chest/heart and remind yourself you are doing your best, they are in the hands of life and you’re not going to waste the minutes/moments with them in fear – but rather BE HERE, PRESENT and gift to them and you the best possible experience the moment warrants
Caroline MS9:21 pm
this fear is however quite in some ways quite the opposite of who i am. when i do something, i am the kind the does it almost in a perfect way, i give my best. and yet, this on some level within this fear ‘best’ isnt good enough. best here then could be a way i use to exonerate myself from feeling like a crappy failure…quite a twisted way of existing
Yes thank you I will
Susan Spies9:23 pm
That’s an interesting dimension Jan Jan – now being more CENTERED and CALM within yourSELF, which would mean you in the past tried to PLEASE/live up to others expectations, or your own insecurities in the eyes of others – so a good application here would be to see why you went into servant/slave/pleasing/inferiority mode with other people – why not just be you and comfortable within that?
So, Jan – you’re becoming aware of your OWN COMPANY, your own self – which is cool when you’re content in your own company, that’s a wonderful space to be in and with
now just to extend it to being constant and consistent when in the presence of others
other people, and your reactions towards them, usually reveal weaknesses inside yourself you haven’t redefined/changed in living
So, a good exercise would be to go back in memories and see towards which people you change and why Jan Jan – herein you can identify some mind constructs/personalities you can work with
Kim S9:23 pm
I saw this chaos some time ago Sunette and have almost been waiting for it to come and now it’s here I am a little disappointed with myself that I consider myself as no further forward – but I know it’s a mind fuck and a point of ego because I want to say to everyone ‘see I told you so’
yes such an important point as well, realizing i can only do my point of change, i can’t control anything outside of me, but what i can control is how i will respond, also realizing that life is equally here and is walking what is best for all as well as that is it’s directive, so i align to those directives the best i am able to
Bitia Catana9:23 pm
Wow thank you Sunette. It also helps me what you say about parenting, I experience fears around having children so this is also supportive for me
Anna Brix Thomsen9:25 pm
I realized a whole ago @CarolineMKS that I was expecting PERFECTION from myself as a parent, and anything less than that was unacceptable and not good enough. I was totally setting myself up to fail, with such impossible standards. In the end, all I could do was to laugh at the absurdity lol
@CarolineMKS 一整年前我领悟到作为一个父母我期待我自己完美，而任何少于那个的东西是不能接受和不够好的。我完全在让我自己失败，用这种不可能的标准。最终，所有我可以做的是去嘲笑这个谬论 哈哈
Kim S9:25 pm
other people, and your reactions towards them, usually reveal weaknesses inside yourself you haven’t redefined/changed in living – thanks for the reminder Sunette
其他人，而你的反应朝向他们，通常揭示弱点在你自己内在 是你没有在你生活中重新定义/改变的—— 感谢提醒，Sunette
Ida Bra Ingadottir9:25 pm
I have been feeling like this period have been a sort of grace period for myself.. where I can just be nothing. Walk into a darkness a nothingness. Because there is space for it because there is no excuses of fear of survival, being someone, living up to, keep, hold and do something with ‘purpose’, nothing like it that would drive my day. SO have been having to be in a weird back and forth inside myself of either stepping into darkness and silence, into the unknown and just let go and trust.. or try to make myself do/be something. That would often be the mind and so I would go back and forth from going into silence/physical and mind inside my body. What weaknesses of the mind that stand out… the ones that would drive fear of survival is forms self judgement, not being good enough.
… So have felt like the self judgements physical reactions is way more clear and acted out.. yet at the same time more specific and here in my body. Clearing, cleansing, breath vs bursts of energy of fear in the form of judgement.. and also fear of stepping into the unknown.. Yes that stands out.. That mind being triggered with stepping into the darkness and silence.
Susan Spies9:26 pm
Anna, this ENTIRE GLOBAL EVENT is forcing people into their bubble/SELF-MIRROR worlds – time to ‘face the music’ as they say, meet your maker, yourSELF, your own MIND, REFLECT in the mirror of self/the mind – without the DISTRACTIONS/STIMULUS of others/the outside world – opportune moment for SELF FIRST, this is and always has been and what’s been said where change is to START TAKING PLACE: self
Anna, the postponement with the body – the body work will come naturally when you break through some postponement barriers within yourself. Postponing body work indicates there are other areas- whether your own mind, your external environment, relationships you are postponing to work through – creating layers/barriers for you to directly work with you AS the body
Anna Brix Thomsen9:28 pm
Yes Sunette. Thank you for the reminder.
Susan Spies9:28 pm
or maybe the barrier/separation causing the postponement is you not realising the body is an extension of you, IS YOU…so there exists a part of you seeing the body as a vessel, instead of an extension of you as you
Bitia Catana9:27 pm
Garbrielle the point of control has been a very interesting point for me to look at inside myself and how it extends in many things which lead me to burn out
That makes sense about postponing body work
Jan Megens9:28 pm
Yes I recognize this now during this lock down, By descending into my mind, the servant who wants to please others, to prevent aggression in the environment, because of fear want to control this mind fear by please others and prevent What I subconsciously experience in my mind, fear of aggression, which i want to avoid, by pleasing others.
Kim S9:31 pm
I have been enjoying doing yoga before work everyday- I can do it now I work from home
This really assists me as the body
Susan Spies9:33 pm
Rikard – with being sick, yes – the mind tends to take advantage when the body is in a weakened state. Whenever I’m sick, first and foremost, listen to the body, get the necessary medical/professional care and medications, find out EXACTLY what the problem is so that you can equally specifically support the body. Body comes first. THEN, what I do is REST and keep my mind PREOCCUPIED as much as possible – take it easy, watch series/movies, read if you can – and when and as the thoughts come, I usually just look at them and say “fuck off now, I’m sick and in no state to deal with you right now” – then I breathe and let them go lol So, I essentially give myself a GRACE PERIOD until my body is stronger and I can mentally/with clarity and awareness deal with the points in my mind
Rikard – 关于生病，是的——心智倾向于占便宜当身体处于一种虚弱状态时。无论何时我生病了，首要的是，倾听身体，获得必要的医疗/专业护理和药物，找出问题真确是什么以便你可以平等地特定地支持身体。身体第一位。然后，我所做的是休息并尽可能让我的心智保持专注——放松点，观看系列/电影，阅读，如果你可以——而当并等如想法出现时，我通常只是看着它们并说“现在滚开，我生病了，现在没有状态来处理你们”——然后我呼吸并放下它们，哈哈。因此，本质上我给予我自己一个宽限期直到我的身体更强壮而我可以精神上/用清晰和觉察来处理在我心智中的这个点
but the longer you stay IN AND WITH THE MIND and entertain the thoughts and reactions, the more it affects the body and you and can delay the body’s healing process. So, give you and the body a grace period when you’re sick/ill – just chill and rest
Bitia Catana9:34 pm
Wow. Thank you, great advise Sunette
cool about this grace period
Susan Spies9:36 pm
Ingrid, with regards to fear of missing out and facing points THEN vs NOW – work with what is HERE and what comes up within you. Would be good to go back in time and see moments, people, situations you may again face after lockdown and this phase in global history passes – where you compromised yourself/fell
Ingrid, 关于害怕错过和面对那时与现在的点——工作于什么是在这里和什么出现在你里面。去回到过去并看看在封城及这个阶段在全球历史中经过之后 你也许再次面对的片刻、人们、情形——在那里你妥协你自己/跌倒，这会是很好的。
people/situations that affected you in some way or another, which you may face again in the future and then introspect/investigate the mind construct/personalities within and behind them – then from there, look at how you can respond/act/live DIFFERENTLY if/when you face the same people/situations
Thanks Susan I will have a look at it in this way and work with what is here
Susan Spies9:40 pm
Garbrielle Garbrielle – yes, can relate to those moments of annoyance/irritation emerging – lol, the moment they come out now, I take a walk in the garden, or take my book outside for a read for a few minutes – CHANGE THE SCENE for even just 15 – 30 minutes, give myself some breathing space. I’ve found irritation, frustration and annoyance I project even towards the people around me, whether explicitly/implicitly is because I am someone who used to be busy, moving, driving, working in different places/spaces – now seeing the same thing, same people, sameness day in and day out – no more thriving on diversity, change, the unexpected, the DIFFERENT
Garbrielle Garbrielle – 是的，可以关联到那些烦恼/生气的片刻出现——哈哈，现在它们出来的这一刻，我在花园里散步、或拿着我的书到外面阅读几分钟——改变场景即使只有15-30分钟，给我自己一些呼吸的空间。我发现生气、挫败和烦恼我投射甚至朝向我周围的人们，是否明确/隐含地，是因为我是某种过去曾经是在不同的地方/空间忙碌、移动、驱动、工作的人——现在看到相同的事物、相同的人、相同的日复一日——不再因多样性、变化、意料之外、不同而繁荣
being so used to SPONTANEITY during the day to now being a constant drone of a day on REPEAT lol – it’s tough
So, I have to literally, physically and mentally change myself to ADAPT to my environment and situation now and deliberately create moments of BREATHING ROOM for myself, by taking a walk in the garden, sitting outside in different places, under different trees – phew, it’s been quite a process
Kim S9:42 pm
I actually really enjoy my own company and have almost been craving this time lol
Susan Spies9:43 pm
lol yes KimS Kim – I’m finally finishing books I’ve been wanting to read for YEARS! glad I kept them with me all this time lol
哈哈，是的KimS Kim – 我最终读完了我多年来一直想读的书！很高兴我一直带着它们，哈哈
That is cool, to change places to sit, cats do this also and find different places every time even new ones – I also like that, to go sit in a diffferent and even a bit uncommon place
i hear you Sunette, thanks for the share, definitely can relate to getting outdoors, finding that space to chill and get some oxygen in my lungs, feel the ground on my feet, so connecting with nature, been such a gift for these times
Susan Spies9:44 pm
Agreed Gabrielle – lol, it’s thanks to your living example that I started doing this! So, thank you
同意Gabrielle – 哈哈，这多亏你的活榜样我才开始这样做！所以，谢谢你
Susan Spies9:45 pm
Caroline @CarolineMKS – can so relate to the fear of failure, lol will do recordings on how Bernard challenged the fear of failure within me and how I’ve been walking it this life since I met him, it’s still quite a shadow walking with me – fear of failure and failing, along with impatience lol – but will see it through!
Caroline @CarolineMKS – 可以如此关联到害怕失败，哈哈，将做录音关于Bernard如何挑战在我里面的害怕失败，以及我今生是如何一直行走它的自从我遇见他，这仍然是一个相当的影子与我一起行走——害怕失败和失败，连同没耐心，哈哈——但是将使它顺利通过！
Ida Bra Ingadottir9:47 pm
Such a time of healing and clearing.. I have not felt dread, or like it is tough or depressing directly.. but more just really such a beautiful clearing wind or river of cleansing that have just been washing over me day in and out where there is such a space to really process.. or distract as well sometimes.. but also just become so much more aware of things inside and like haven had so much more space to walk with them.. is my experience.
So in the surfacing depression there has been great joy.
Susan Spies9:48 pm
Cool to read/hear Dan @dan2all – looking into your sharing it’s showing you have ‘hit the nail on its head’ when it comes to seeing and recognising this point within you, so the more you stay with it and keep practising and pushing the moments, the choices to change – the less you’ll miss and the more you’ll recognise and experience how you in fact change
去读/听到这很酷Dan @dan2all – 看入你的分享它展示了你已经“说到点子上”了当提到看见并识别这一点在你里面，因此你越多把它坚持下去并保持练习和推进去改变的这一刻、选择——你将错过的就越少，而且你将越多识别并体验到你实际上如何改变
Caroline MS9:48 pm
cool Sunette, looking forward. being such a kind of fear with so many dimensions within it, i am at the moment accepting some extents of failure because even in something as simple as accepting failure and learning from it in its very simplicity, hasn’t been a walk in the park for me
Daniel Malara9:49 pm
Sunette thanks for the feedback! Full steam ahead!
Susan Spies9:49 pm
So, Tormod Tormod – time to be CONTENT and FULFILLED by your own light shining, BUILD EVEN MORE LIGHT within you that you can SHARE AND SHOW with others after this lockdown…so you change the dynamic from WANTING TO BE NOTICED AND SEEKING VALIDATION to UNCONDITIONALLY SHARING YOU IN SUPPORT OF OTHERS
因此，Tormod Tormod –是时候是/成为感到满意和满足的被你自己的光照耀，建立甚至更多的光在你里面，你可以分享并展示给他人在这个封城之后……因此你改变动力从想要被注意和寻求确认 到无条件分享你对他人的支持
So, instead of WANTING OTHERS TO FILL YOUR CUP, you fill the cup of life of others
Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem9:53 pm
Thanks Sunette – I will bring that light within closer to my AWARENESS and I will support others more unconditionally
谢谢Sunette – 我将带来那个光在更接近我的觉察之中并且我将无条件援助他人更多
Susan Spies9:51 pm
This is an interesting recording topic we’ll note down – the difference between needing others to validate you/see you/notice you to feel the energy of fulfillment VS self fulfillment and self’s cup overflowing to share life lessons with others and so support them
这是一个有趣的录音主题，我们会记下来——在 需要他人来确认你/看到你/注意你以感到满足的能量 与 自我满足和自己的杯子满溢去与他人分享生命课程并如此支持他们 之间的差异
also, another point i realized with this panic point, is to make sure i recognize the strengths and points of ‘triumph’ i have accomplished, balancing the ‘bad/failures’ with the strnegths and achievments i have made, cause there has been many a storms and i am still here
Susan Spies9:54 pm
Agreed Garbrielle Garbrielle – same context within process, remembering how much you’ve learned and changed since starting process!!! and embracing the strength within you for whatever may come
同意Garbrielle Garbrielle – 相同的脉络在进程里面，请记得自开始进程以来你学到并改变了多少！！！ 而且拥抱你内在的力量迎接无论什么可能到来的一切
Susan Spies9:52 pm
All, we go to here for tonight, we’ll during the course of tomorrow expand on some of your sharing we didn’t get to this night – then tomorrow night – we FOCUS ON PRACTICAL LIVING SOLUTIONS
HOW ARE WE GOING TO PRACTICALLY CHANGE our weaknesses to every day strengths
Very supportive feedback on all the dimensions, thanks Susan and thanks all for sharing
Susan Spies9:55 pm
All, thanks again for being here
for sharing and walkng with
We continue tomorrow with the SOLUTIONS!!!
Bye for now!
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